I've had a lot of strange sick-person dreams, including one where I had to escape my evil weird family to chase after the love of my life (?) who was in another country...this involved riding a big motorcycle and going to a wedding but hiding in the closet and all sorts of really strange nonsense.
This was after a dream in which Conan O'Brien was telling dirty jokes as I carried around a sick man who was somehow both homosexual and my lover.
Then, the third dream was that I was going into a library over and over again, but could never tell whether or not the library was open due to the poor lighting and heavy oak trees surrounding the building. I half woke up convinced I was supposed to start writing a comic strip about a young librarian who worked there, and a boy who starts to study to become a wizard in order to win her love.
...Which is not the worst idea for a comic. But it's not like I can draw or anything.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
Ah, mi bici.
After a long time being on two legs, being on two wheels is a little terrifying. My new bike is definitely a fixer-upper, a project to keep me occupied when I need a distraction from school. The bike is an old 70s taiwanese import, a little heavy but I can manage to shoulder it and get it up the stairs to my apartment. The brakes are not quite up to my standards though, and there's some rust...I want to strip it, repaint the frame, update some of the rustier components and put on a new headset/handlebars (I loved my old bike's bull horns). Fun! I have never done any of this before, but I want to embrace a wrenchier side of myself.
I still want to repaint/redo my living room too. So maybe my fall will be filled with all sorts of improvements. I'm even planning on starting yoga, at school, because I could probably stand to stretch out a little.
And then there's the possibility of Vietnam in two months as well...I haven't decided if I'm going for sure, or bought the tickets, but I like the idea of it all. What's his name says we can go to Halong Bay, or maybe to Laos, or to Cambodia and Angkor Wat...
I still want to repaint/redo my living room too. So maybe my fall will be filled with all sorts of improvements. I'm even planning on starting yoga, at school, because I could probably stand to stretch out a little.
And then there's the possibility of Vietnam in two months as well...I haven't decided if I'm going for sure, or bought the tickets, but I like the idea of it all. What's his name says we can go to Halong Bay, or maybe to Laos, or to Cambodia and Angkor Wat...
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Correspondence.
I just received a little email from my adviser, after months of being incommunicado, and something about his style of address always makes me relaxed and calm. Such a sweet and old-fashioned man, for someone who is probably not over 40.
I haven't been writing anything in this space, my blog-space, so here are some excerpts from messages I have written (and received).
"Hi Alex,
I've never seen "The OC" either. Maybe I'm just being contrary, but I hate all those shows that try to glorify and sex up the experience of high school on principle. My high school experience was dumb and ache-y and dramatic and silly and sad, and a lot of it consisted of sitting with a friend in some kind of cheap diner setup eating fried fish sandwiches or 2am breakfast combos, and everyone had bad skin and couldn't smile for pictures and drove cars that cost in total less than one thousand dollars. I resent the implication that it could have gone any other way, or that it should have."
"Man... your whole paragraph on "Academia and Fulfillment": I just sat there nodding my head, "uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh." It is hard to explain, but I know what you mean completely. Besides a few idiosyncracies, my early-20s experience is matching up pretty well to what it might have otherwise been in academia. So, I guess, G-d bless to you weathering the breakdown."
"venice is pretty amazing it may be my favorite place in CA so far. I like that it unashamedly lives up to the cliches, when my dad came out here to visit me he really wanted to fo to Venice beach to see if it was like on TV, with the rollerblading girls in bikinis, the skateboarders, graffiti, and muscle beach. he was not disappointed.
and oh the sunglass vendors! it´s the only place that i can find clip on´s that fit my frames. i need to go back and get another pair, i lost my last on a tequilla and rum filled ¨adventure¨. I´m only a little ashamed to admit it but i secretly would like some of the ¨kanye glasses¨"
"Roots! I need more of them. In actuality, I have been sort of dating a boy for the last few months (not "serious", actual dating) who is leaving LA for a 6-month stint in Vietnam at the end of this month. I've always known he was going, since he bought the ticket before I met him, but I thought for some reason that that knowledge would keep me from getting attached to him. Alas, it did not. And here goes another root, about to get pulled up.
Your statement made me think of him particularly because he spends so much time talking about how he doesn't want to ever get married or have kids that I am sure he'll have both within the next 5 to 10 years. And I have sort of realized that I do want such things as well. For one, kids are awesome, and for another, I think finding a partner and then making a family with them would be probably an amazing and transformative experience. Of course, I generally try to keep these thoughts to myself."
"you are back in the US, so I should ask you: what's your phone number, benjamin?"
"I can't help but think henry miller was just kind of a hack! A friend of mine has Opus Pistorumon on his bookshelf and he challenged me to open it randomly to a page and start reading, in order to show that there was nothing but sex on every page. I did open it to a bland passage somehow anyway, but the point being that Miller just wrote a lot of smut over and over again still stands, I think.
Of course I guess boys like smut, and literary boys must like literary smut."
"We explored the city a bit, as well. I wish I could describe to you the sort of magic I see in this place sometimes. We traveled past closed shops, and the neon lights and signs in the windows mixed the most eclectic set of colors I can imagine. We drove past what would be mansions if they were transported to Beverly Hills, but because they're near the 10, they're "slums"... or are they? The Los Angeles I grew up in did not contain this sort of intrigue. Echo Park, where I live now, where I'd never have come close to when I lived here for 21 consecutive years, is full of this magic. Yes, it's a little dirty and seems a little dangerous, but it also seems to have this really interesting spark of hope to it, as well. As you may know, this area used to be completely gang infested, but now it's strange - you can walk around at 1 or 2 AM outside without feeling like you're in danger. The best I can liken it to is, at the end of Armageddon, or any disaster movie, when people come out of where they were hiding and have that look on their faces like "Is it over?" That's hope, mang."
I haven't been writing anything in this space, my blog-space, so here are some excerpts from messages I have written (and received).
"Hi Alex,
I've never seen "The OC" either. Maybe I'm just being contrary, but I hate all those shows that try to glorify and sex up the experience of high school on principle. My high school experience was dumb and ache-y and dramatic and silly and sad, and a lot of it consisted of sitting with a friend in some kind of cheap diner setup eating fried fish sandwiches or 2am breakfast combos, and everyone had bad skin and couldn't smile for pictures and drove cars that cost in total less than one thousand dollars. I resent the implication that it could have gone any other way, or that it should have."
"Man... your whole paragraph on "Academia and Fulfillment": I just sat there nodding my head, "uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh." It is hard to explain, but I know what you mean completely. Besides a few idiosyncracies, my early-20s experience is matching up pretty well to what it might have otherwise been in academia. So, I guess, G-d bless to you weathering the breakdown."
"venice is pretty amazing it may be my favorite place in CA so far. I like that it unashamedly lives up to the cliches, when my dad came out here to visit me he really wanted to fo to Venice beach to see if it was like on TV, with the rollerblading girls in bikinis, the skateboarders, graffiti, and muscle beach. he was not disappointed.
and oh the sunglass vendors! it´s the only place that i can find clip on´s that fit my frames. i need to go back and get another pair, i lost my last on a tequilla and rum filled ¨adventure¨. I´m only a little ashamed to admit it but i secretly would like some of the ¨kanye glasses¨"
"Roots! I need more of them. In actuality, I have been sort of dating a boy for the last few months (not "serious", actual dating) who is leaving LA for a 6-month stint in Vietnam at the end of this month. I've always known he was going, since he bought the ticket before I met him, but I thought for some reason that that knowledge would keep me from getting attached to him. Alas, it did not. And here goes another root, about to get pulled up.
Your statement made me think of him particularly because he spends so much time talking about how he doesn't want to ever get married or have kids that I am sure he'll have both within the next 5 to 10 years. And I have sort of realized that I do want such things as well. For one, kids are awesome, and for another, I think finding a partner and then making a family with them would be probably an amazing and transformative experience. Of course, I generally try to keep these thoughts to myself."
"you are back in the US, so I should ask you: what's your phone number, benjamin?"
"I can't help but think henry miller was just kind of a hack! A friend of mine has Opus Pistorumon on his bookshelf and he challenged me to open it randomly to a page and start reading, in order to show that there was nothing but sex on every page. I did open it to a bland passage somehow anyway, but the point being that Miller just wrote a lot of smut over and over again still stands, I think.
Of course I guess boys like smut, and literary boys must like literary smut."
"We explored the city a bit, as well. I wish I could describe to you the sort of magic I see in this place sometimes. We traveled past closed shops, and the neon lights and signs in the windows mixed the most eclectic set of colors I can imagine. We drove past what would be mansions if they were transported to Beverly Hills, but because they're near the 10, they're "slums"... or are they? The Los Angeles I grew up in did not contain this sort of intrigue. Echo Park, where I live now, where I'd never have come close to when I lived here for 21 consecutive years, is full of this magic. Yes, it's a little dirty and seems a little dangerous, but it also seems to have this really interesting spark of hope to it, as well. As you may know, this area used to be completely gang infested, but now it's strange - you can walk around at 1 or 2 AM outside without feeling like you're in danger. The best I can liken it to is, at the end of Armageddon, or any disaster movie, when people come out of where they were hiding and have that look on their faces like "Is it over?" That's hope, mang."
Sunday, July 26, 2009
New roommate hunt continues.
I have definitely three, and possibly four different women coming over to see my apartment today in order to decide if they'd like to live here. This is after seeing three people yesterday who all kind of sucked (too young, not interesting, didn't seem like they'd be able to pay the rent on time...all sorts of issues!), and then three other people last week. Since I only have about 5 days left to get someone to agree to move in here, I'm kind of scared, but this newest batch of people seems really good. All are around my age, in grad school or have been in grad school, and are friendly and whatnot over email. One is even a vegetarian, hey! Maybe I won't have to move out in semi-disgrace on July 31st to become a beach bum after all.
Also, my eye still looks a little funny, but not overwhelmingly so. I managed to go back to work like people do last week, and while not working for two weeks has me kind of freaked out, as long as I don't have to move I definitely have enough of a cash buffer to get me through August safe and serene. In a weird way, even though things are going kind of badly, I feel mostly awesome on a day to day basis. I'm even slowly cleaning and organizing my room in a logical manner. Insanity!
I will miss the goofy and sweet presence of my current roommate in this place, though. Even if she did put too much importance on the cleaning or non-cleaning of dishes.
Also, my eye still looks a little funny, but not overwhelmingly so. I managed to go back to work like people do last week, and while not working for two weeks has me kind of freaked out, as long as I don't have to move I definitely have enough of a cash buffer to get me through August safe and serene. In a weird way, even though things are going kind of badly, I feel mostly awesome on a day to day basis. I'm even slowly cleaning and organizing my room in a logical manner. Insanity!
I will miss the goofy and sweet presence of my current roommate in this place, though. Even if she did put too much importance on the cleaning or non-cleaning of dishes.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Men I love.
An incomplete list.
Conan!, Devendra, Albert Camus, one W. Benjamin, one Jon Stewart, my advisor, oh god my old advisor in undergrad, F.Pritchard, Fred Neil, of course George, Ira Glass, the young Ginsberg, James Dean, Paul Newman, mister P. Drew, Brad Neely, mssrs. Bret and Jemaine, Steve Carrell, Zach Galifinakis (whose name I can spell and say correctly), Michael Ian Black, Pessoa, dear sad d.a. levy, Robert De Niro even though he frequently makes a mockery of my love, Richard Lawson, Alex Balk, Choire Sicha, and a host of other internet personalities such as Rain Noe, but wait there's more, Frank O'Hara, Groucho Marx, Jean Cocteau, some weird idea I have of french male intellectuals in general, Michel Foucault, Kevin Barnes, the man who is June Panic, Lou Barlow (even though he used to write dumb songs about getting stoned), Michael Caine, John Oliver, Arthur Lee, John Fante in regards to that one book of course, Chris Onstad except for a few key moments, and many many more.
Men I don't love even though maybe I should: Bukowski, Morrissey (except sometimes), Paul McCartney, well maybe I do still love Robert Plant.
I was just sort of overcome, while sitting to my morning coffee, with the fact that there are and have been many great dudes out there, and they have made my life a much happier life than it would have been else-wise.
Conan!, Devendra, Albert Camus, one W. Benjamin, one Jon Stewart, my advisor, oh god my old advisor in undergrad, F.Pritchard, Fred Neil, of course George, Ira Glass, the young Ginsberg, James Dean, Paul Newman, mister P. Drew, Brad Neely, mssrs. Bret and Jemaine, Steve Carrell, Zach Galifinakis (whose name I can spell and say correctly), Michael Ian Black, Pessoa, dear sad d.a. levy, Robert De Niro even though he frequently makes a mockery of my love, Richard Lawson, Alex Balk, Choire Sicha, and a host of other internet personalities such as Rain Noe, but wait there's more, Frank O'Hara, Groucho Marx, Jean Cocteau, some weird idea I have of french male intellectuals in general, Michel Foucault, Kevin Barnes, the man who is June Panic, Lou Barlow (even though he used to write dumb songs about getting stoned), Michael Caine, John Oliver, Arthur Lee, John Fante in regards to that one book of course, Chris Onstad except for a few key moments, and many many more.
Men I don't love even though maybe I should: Bukowski, Morrissey (except sometimes), Paul McCartney, well maybe I do still love Robert Plant.
I was just sort of overcome, while sitting to my morning coffee, with the fact that there are and have been many great dudes out there, and they have made my life a much happier life than it would have been else-wise.
Friday, July 10, 2009
On the other side of the road.
So, on Wednesday I wore a silly gown and funny booties and then some medicines dripped into my blood stream til I fell asleep. While I slept, a few doctors watched and a few participated in sewing a plastic band to the outside of my eyeball, in a place where I can't see it. Then I woke up and shook around and complained like a baby until my body felt right again, and I was allowed to go home.
Now I am in that home, wearing sunglasses indoors, which I will have to do for a few weeks. At some point in the next few weeks my current roommate will presumably move out, and a new one will hopefully move in. My eye, which is now red and angry, will slowly return to its normal state. In the meantime, I will try to grow comfortable with my shadowy vision.
Now I am in that home, wearing sunglasses indoors, which I will have to do for a few weeks. At some point in the next few weeks my current roommate will presumably move out, and a new one will hopefully move in. My eye, which is now red and angry, will slowly return to its normal state. In the meantime, I will try to grow comfortable with my shadowy vision.
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