One fun thing about Japan is that once you connect to the internet, you need to explicitly tell all of your google-affiliated websites to load in English. This wouldn't be a problem really, as it's pretty obvious that "pasuwaado" is "password", except that the US google and the Japanese google give you completely different results for the same query. I have no idea why that should be.
Another fun thing is that if you are in Japan and it is June, as it is now, you will feel sticky from the humidity basically all the time. You will also have to look forward to this sensation getting worse, rather than better, for the proceeding six weeks. You will not know how to do your laundry at this time, because there is no dryer and the clothes lines on the roof of your building are constantly being rained upon.
However, you will find that, even 5000 miles away from home, there is still a Starbucks every three or four blocks, and the interior decoration is exactly the same.
More later, when I feel less disgusting.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
Weeks and weeks of time.
Looking back on this school year, which is still not done for me but will be forcefully done in four days when I get on the airplane, I have a hard time realizing how much actual stuff I have learned. Last summer, I had never read Kant. Last summer, I did not know how to figure out bus routes. Last summer, I had never slept on an air mattress in a room with no lighting 3000 miles away from everyone I knew.
Today I had lunch with someone I met during grad school orientation, and he told me he had been impressed with my 'knowledge' in the class we had had together this last quarter. I started to say something about how I was just bullshitting, when I realized that in fact, I hadn't been. I have a hard time remembering now any time I spent doing work over the last year, to be honest, except for bad memories of paper-writing marathons and the vague and constant feeling of being behind in every class. I don't think I have made it to a single seminar in these last three months having actually read every page that was assigned. Often, I wasn't even close. But, strangely, through all the pointless time-wasting, some things have stuck. And, in four days, I will have finished my first year as a graduate student.
Any sense of pride I might have in that is, of course, utterly destroyed right now by the crushing disappointment I have in all the time wasted. So, so many things I should have gotten done and didn't, because I couldn't make myself do it, because I was too tired or sad or lazy. The lost time is particularly brutal right now, as I have to fill every day with work until I leave, and am probably all done with having fun with my LA friends for now. Right at this minute, I should be writing in a word file, not here. I should also be visiting the post office to have them hold my mail, writing long-overdue emails, calling my parents, calling Japan to solidify my housing, getting a hair cut, and so many other little things.
Instead, well...I guess this is a study break.
I may have found a place to live in Japan for the summer after all, though. It's a "guesthouse" (which seems like a mixture of hostel and co-op) in Yokohama, and it should be right downtown close to where I go to school. I have to wait until it hits 10 am in Japan before I can call, but this looks like a good lead. The house just opened up two weeks ago, so everything should be clean and new. Of course, I will be paying about $700 a month to not have my own kitchen or bathroom, but at this point I don't really care -- having anywhere that I can stay, and can also afford, will be a lovely miracle.
And, of course, the house has free wireless internet.
Today I had lunch with someone I met during grad school orientation, and he told me he had been impressed with my 'knowledge' in the class we had had together this last quarter. I started to say something about how I was just bullshitting, when I realized that in fact, I hadn't been. I have a hard time remembering now any time I spent doing work over the last year, to be honest, except for bad memories of paper-writing marathons and the vague and constant feeling of being behind in every class. I don't think I have made it to a single seminar in these last three months having actually read every page that was assigned. Often, I wasn't even close. But, strangely, through all the pointless time-wasting, some things have stuck. And, in four days, I will have finished my first year as a graduate student.
Any sense of pride I might have in that is, of course, utterly destroyed right now by the crushing disappointment I have in all the time wasted. So, so many things I should have gotten done and didn't, because I couldn't make myself do it, because I was too tired or sad or lazy. The lost time is particularly brutal right now, as I have to fill every day with work until I leave, and am probably all done with having fun with my LA friends for now. Right at this minute, I should be writing in a word file, not here. I should also be visiting the post office to have them hold my mail, writing long-overdue emails, calling my parents, calling Japan to solidify my housing, getting a hair cut, and so many other little things.
Instead, well...I guess this is a study break.
I may have found a place to live in Japan for the summer after all, though. It's a "guesthouse" (which seems like a mixture of hostel and co-op) in Yokohama, and it should be right downtown close to where I go to school. I have to wait until it hits 10 am in Japan before I can call, but this looks like a good lead. The house just opened up two weeks ago, so everything should be clean and new. Of course, I will be paying about $700 a month to not have my own kitchen or bathroom, but at this point I don't really care -- having anywhere that I can stay, and can also afford, will be a lovely miracle.
And, of course, the house has free wireless internet.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Le sigh.
The Oregon Trail game I found online won't let me play long enough for anyone to die. Sometimes, procrastination is just so hard.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Judy doesn't live here anymore.
My roommate moved out last weekend, and since she's left no one has been in this apartment but me.
That is particularly weird, actually, because both Judy and I would have a fair amount of people over. I'd usually end up with someone watching TV with me at least a few nights a week, and Judy often made dinner for her best friend here in LA. And though we didn't talk all that often, there was always still that presence, the knowledge that I was sharing my space.
Of course, this "sharing" often came from the fact that Judy would leave the stove splattered with whatever it was she'd last been cooking, which drove me nuts, but I suppose it was contact nevertheless.
Now there's no one, however, and no visitors either. If there were, there'd be very little hospitality waiting for them. With Judy went the living room -- couch, coffee table, TV stand, even the lamp. The room is empty now except for a television (on the floor) and my bookshelf, which is completely full of crap Judy stuffed onto it in the process of reclaiming her furniture. Likewise, it'd be hard to have someone over for a meal, because there are no more normal plates or bowls. I have to say I miss all those things more than Judy.
My bedroom and bathroom are the only places left unchanged, yet strangely I feel lonely and uncomfortable staying in my room for any more time than it takes to sleep at night or change clothes. Instead I've set up the kitchen table (which belongs to me) as a desk, and have moved all the "living" downstairs. Maybe this is my way of filling the space back up.
It's a weird reminder of both the past and the future though, to be in this space alone. I had a really rough time last year while I was living in my own little apartment-box; the most contact I had with my fellow residents was when I realized one of them was stealing my packages. Those were bad times, times in which I left the TV on for company and fell asleep at 7pm from boredom. With all the work to do for the end of the school year and moving, I'm trying very hard to avoid that, but I was never too successful even while Judy was here. I am pretty sure her biggest memory of me is going to be how "sleepy" I was.
So how to not make this the future? I turned down one offer of a roommate in Japan, actually, because the apartments are so small I couldn't imagine trying to learn to adapt to a stranger in that kind of environment. In a lot of ways, it was hard to do here, even with two bathrooms and different class schedules. And previously, I had been hoping that a friend from LA (who I like too much), who had been planning to move to Japan for a long time, would stay with me for awhile and thus keep the general loneliness at bay. I don't think that's something that's likely to happen any more, though. So this leaves me in a weird place -- I'm very worried about falling into these old bad habits.
Hopefully, I'll fill my new space in a way that makes me happy to be there.
That is particularly weird, actually, because both Judy and I would have a fair amount of people over. I'd usually end up with someone watching TV with me at least a few nights a week, and Judy often made dinner for her best friend here in LA. And though we didn't talk all that often, there was always still that presence, the knowledge that I was sharing my space.
Of course, this "sharing" often came from the fact that Judy would leave the stove splattered with whatever it was she'd last been cooking, which drove me nuts, but I suppose it was contact nevertheless.
Now there's no one, however, and no visitors either. If there were, there'd be very little hospitality waiting for them. With Judy went the living room -- couch, coffee table, TV stand, even the lamp. The room is empty now except for a television (on the floor) and my bookshelf, which is completely full of crap Judy stuffed onto it in the process of reclaiming her furniture. Likewise, it'd be hard to have someone over for a meal, because there are no more normal plates or bowls. I have to say I miss all those things more than Judy.
My bedroom and bathroom are the only places left unchanged, yet strangely I feel lonely and uncomfortable staying in my room for any more time than it takes to sleep at night or change clothes. Instead I've set up the kitchen table (which belongs to me) as a desk, and have moved all the "living" downstairs. Maybe this is my way of filling the space back up.
It's a weird reminder of both the past and the future though, to be in this space alone. I had a really rough time last year while I was living in my own little apartment-box; the most contact I had with my fellow residents was when I realized one of them was stealing my packages. Those were bad times, times in which I left the TV on for company and fell asleep at 7pm from boredom. With all the work to do for the end of the school year and moving, I'm trying very hard to avoid that, but I was never too successful even while Judy was here. I am pretty sure her biggest memory of me is going to be how "sleepy" I was.
So how to not make this the future? I turned down one offer of a roommate in Japan, actually, because the apartments are so small I couldn't imagine trying to learn to adapt to a stranger in that kind of environment. In a lot of ways, it was hard to do here, even with two bathrooms and different class schedules. And previously, I had been hoping that a friend from LA (who I like too much), who had been planning to move to Japan for a long time, would stay with me for awhile and thus keep the general loneliness at bay. I don't think that's something that's likely to happen any more, though. So this leaves me in a weird place -- I'm very worried about falling into these old bad habits.
Hopefully, I'll fill my new space in a way that makes me happy to be there.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Time's running out!
I have two weeks left in this country. That, you may notice, is not a lot of weeks at all. In this two weeks, I have to finish up my coursework, write an 18 page paper, move out of my apartment, and find a place to live in Japan.
A lot of this stuff is actually busy work, to an extent. Taking the time to put all my CDs into my extra harddrive, deciding what clothes I have can go to Goodwill, etc. Other things are just currently somewhat impossible to do -- for instance, I can't get an apartment til I know how much I have to spend on it, which depends on whether or not I get a little extra funding, which I won't know until...actually, no one even knows when I'll find that out.
This leaves the most intellectually draining and tedious stuff to be tackled first. Like reading a few hundred pages of Kant's Critique of Judgment, writing two page reviews of books I read two months ago, work work work. Which is good, in a sense -- being busy is good, falling asleep tired at the end of the day is good, sitting in the library or sitting on the bus reading is good. Or, as Kant would say, they are "agreeable to me", but this isn't something I need to get into just right now.
The problem is, though, whether or not I will have time to finish all of this. For instance, between now (2pm) and tomorrow at 11am, I am supposed to have read approximately 400 pages of theory and philosophy in total. Thus far, I have read...40 pages. Not really a significant dent, now is it? It's the same case every Friday, as I carry on with the World's Worst Theory Class, and to be honest I will probably only be able to get through about half the required reading...but that feeling of disappointment in not being able to meet the classes (ridiculous) demands really has me down, as it has all quarter. I'm eager for that to end.
And eager, I think, to leave this city. Even though I don't know at all what I'm getting myself into. I don't have enough money to make it through the summer in Japan yet, I don't have any place to be through August, and I'm moving to a foreign country, when I have never stepped foot on foreign soil besides Mexico and Canada. There is not a single stamp on my passport, folks. What am I getting myself into?
I was lying in bed this morning before starting the daily grind, and it was a sunny morning, with the light filtering in through the white shades I stuck up in my room to cover the venetian blinds. And I was very comfortable and happy, just lying there, in my own bed in my own room, enough so that it's sort of impossible to realize I have only a dozen nights left sleeping there. The bed and the blinds and the city will sit in storage til I come back for them, older and possibly smarter (and probably thinner, as this seems to happen when everyone moves to Japan).
Good things about this: Finally learning Japanese, living somewhere with snow and rain, having my own crazy-Japanese-subway stories, high probability of Beard Papa cream puffs within walking distance, aforementioned losing of weight due to walking more/no shitty american food,
new fancy cell phone that will put all american phones to shame, plum blossom and cherry blossom seasons, finally seeing all those places/things I've been having to read about in literature and poetry for the last six years, meeting friends of friends, meeting up with old friends, going to concerts/learning about Japan's indie music scene, cheap Hello Kitty things to send to the sisters.
Bad things about this: Starting over with the friends thing again, leaving behind all my nice things (my coffee mugs, my bookshelves, my cactus), having to speak Japanese all the time, being really tall, getting lost on the train/subway, trying to find good fresh coffee (who knows how long this might take), having to explain in Japanese how I want my hair cut, living in a very tiny apartment, paying a lot of money for things that should not cost very much money (like apples), people in my program might be douches, people might try to make me do karaoke, possible drinking too much beer, getting lost all the time, mosquitos, humidity, losing contact with people in the States, finding new free wireless "hotspots", not having a dryer for my clothes apparently, need to shave legs/wear skirts all summer due to ridiculous heat, my mom coming to visit me in my tiny apartment and driving me insane, anime, white people who are in Japan and like anime, having to be friends with white people in Japan who like anime because there's no one else to be friends with, maybe not being capable of learing Japanese after all.
Hey, that really helped!
A lot of this stuff is actually busy work, to an extent. Taking the time to put all my CDs into my extra harddrive, deciding what clothes I have can go to Goodwill, etc. Other things are just currently somewhat impossible to do -- for instance, I can't get an apartment til I know how much I have to spend on it, which depends on whether or not I get a little extra funding, which I won't know until...actually, no one even knows when I'll find that out.
This leaves the most intellectually draining and tedious stuff to be tackled first. Like reading a few hundred pages of Kant's Critique of Judgment, writing two page reviews of books I read two months ago, work work work. Which is good, in a sense -- being busy is good, falling asleep tired at the end of the day is good, sitting in the library or sitting on the bus reading is good. Or, as Kant would say, they are "agreeable to me", but this isn't something I need to get into just right now.
The problem is, though, whether or not I will have time to finish all of this. For instance, between now (2pm) and tomorrow at 11am, I am supposed to have read approximately 400 pages of theory and philosophy in total. Thus far, I have read...40 pages. Not really a significant dent, now is it? It's the same case every Friday, as I carry on with the World's Worst Theory Class, and to be honest I will probably only be able to get through about half the required reading...but that feeling of disappointment in not being able to meet the classes (ridiculous) demands really has me down, as it has all quarter. I'm eager for that to end.
And eager, I think, to leave this city. Even though I don't know at all what I'm getting myself into. I don't have enough money to make it through the summer in Japan yet, I don't have any place to be through August, and I'm moving to a foreign country, when I have never stepped foot on foreign soil besides Mexico and Canada. There is not a single stamp on my passport, folks. What am I getting myself into?
I was lying in bed this morning before starting the daily grind, and it was a sunny morning, with the light filtering in through the white shades I stuck up in my room to cover the venetian blinds. And I was very comfortable and happy, just lying there, in my own bed in my own room, enough so that it's sort of impossible to realize I have only a dozen nights left sleeping there. The bed and the blinds and the city will sit in storage til I come back for them, older and possibly smarter (and probably thinner, as this seems to happen when everyone moves to Japan).
Good things about this: Finally learning Japanese, living somewhere with snow and rain, having my own crazy-Japanese-subway stories, high probability of Beard Papa cream puffs within walking distance, aforementioned losing of weight due to walking more/no shitty american food,
new fancy cell phone that will put all american phones to shame, plum blossom and cherry blossom seasons, finally seeing all those places/things I've been having to read about in literature and poetry for the last six years, meeting friends of friends, meeting up with old friends, going to concerts/learning about Japan's indie music scene, cheap Hello Kitty things to send to the sisters.
Bad things about this: Starting over with the friends thing again, leaving behind all my nice things (my coffee mugs, my bookshelves, my cactus), having to speak Japanese all the time, being really tall, getting lost on the train/subway, trying to find good fresh coffee (who knows how long this might take), having to explain in Japanese how I want my hair cut, living in a very tiny apartment, paying a lot of money for things that should not cost very much money (like apples), people in my program might be douches, people might try to make me do karaoke, possible drinking too much beer, getting lost all the time, mosquitos, humidity, losing contact with people in the States, finding new free wireless "hotspots", not having a dryer for my clothes apparently, need to shave legs/wear skirts all summer due to ridiculous heat, my mom coming to visit me in my tiny apartment and driving me insane, anime, white people who are in Japan and like anime, having to be friends with white people in Japan who like anime because there's no one else to be friends with, maybe not being capable of learing Japanese after all.
Hey, that really helped!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
