Dappin'.

Right now, I am sitting with saran wrap wrapped around my head, amidst the ruins of my kingdom (i.e., my messy apartment). My hair is supposedly absorbing a new color, called "Maron Gurasse"; what that is in English I have no idea (melon glace?). At any rate, the picture on the box is of a white girl, much like I am, with pretty golden-brown hair. I am hoping I end up in similar straits when I take this saran wrap off my head.
I am also listening to the most recent album by Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings, after only hearing about great they were for about the last two and a half years. So, Y, if you are reading this, I finally thought about them while I was on a downloading spree, and now they are signing/playing to me as I type! And it only took, you know, forever.
Lately I have remembered that music is fantastic in all its forms, at that has truly made my life more joyous than it had been for awhile. It is very strange how a simple thing like remembering to open my iTunes when I sit down to my computer, rather than listening to weird machine noises/people in the neighborhood, affects my entire well-being. At least, times when I have felt down for awhile are almost always times when I also do not listen to any music.
A great thing indeed that I have been listening to constantly the last few days is Neil Young's "Live from Massey Hall 1971", which is truly a magic recording. I am actually not usually a big fan of live recordings, but this one is so perfect I think I would hate to hear the more 'produced' versions of the songs -- the crowd howling and clapping seems so integral to the music. And really, although I always knew that Neil Young was out there, I never knew how many of his songs ("Ohio", "The Needle and the Damage Done") I had already heard and loved, but not connected to him. So, mister wild Canada man, I owe you an apology, as well as apparently a lifetime of fandom after this week.
Oh crap, time to wash my head! Be right back, blog!

Okay! That's done. Now I need to wait 5 minutes for my eyebrows to become a slightly darker color. Even though it is silly and only lasts for like 2 days, I like the eyebrow-dyeing thing the best -- dramatic! Of course, I also always fear I will somehow dye my entire brow-area and have to go to school/work/into 'society' looking like a damned clown-fool. But that hasn't happened (yet).
So, of course, school is still happening -- I was briefly really diligent about it, but then started slipping again, but may still manage to redeem myself? Time will tell. After next week, we will be on a glorious two-week spring vacation, in which I plan to both work and be lazy in equal amounts. I am planning to go on day trips to museums in Tokyo, maybe go once to an onsen, and sleep several times for 12 hours straight. Maybe some cooking adventures, some apartment cleaning, etc thrown in there. Hopefully at least one karaoke/dancing trip, somehow, with more than one interesting person -- my hopes, they are high.
On my immediate plate, though, is writing a lot of different things: revising a speech, writing a presentation for Friday, finishing a very important grant application I meant to do last weekend, god only knows what else. Reading a story. Studying kanji. Reviewing the textbook work I never bother to do, even though knowing grammar and expressions is very important. Things like all of that. Which I will do, I will. As long as I keep listening to music and feeling happy, I can accomplish these measures, easy!

Optimism is good times, I need to work with this more often. It is a little (very) difficult to be sort of as slipshod with le emotions as I am. This is sort of worse now because I am sort of almost totally out of medication and waiting for more, which isn't yet on its way, due to the fact that I kept forgetting to ever call back to LA and get it sent to me. Which, let's face it, is terrible -- having drugs is very important. And when I have been on them pretty steadily I definitely do feel more consistently not-depressed, even if that isn't the same as happy/capable. It is, at least, a better starting point than what nature gave me, ya know? Every time I forget to take the meds regularly, I re-remember this, whereas when I am taking them smoothly I of course forget that I need them at all. Not my favorite catch-22, I can tell you that.

Now, for real, back to workkk. Except first, I must say, I saw the cutest thing at the subway station today: maybe fifteen or more first-grade girls, wearing private school uniforms and bright yellow hats/backpacks, all running down the stairs to be sure to make the next train. When they made it down to the platform in time, they hugged and told each other earnestly "Yatta! Omedetou!" (We did it! Congratulations!). I laughed out loud, and earned myself an odd look from a 10-year-old boy standing near me. Life!

Kowai, kowai!

I have a really large list of fears. This can't be surprising to anyone.
Most of them are probably normal for the section of the population I belong to, ie the neurotics and depressives: dying young, dying really old after an unexciting life, organ cancers, brain tumors, being touched by a spider (the bigger, the scarier), my own incapacity to love/be loved, the concept of eternity, nuclear war, all other kinds of war, failing out of grad school, going batshit crazy, turning out to not be smart or creative after all, my parents dying (well, maybe not my stepmom), going blind and/or deaf, paralysis, conversing in Japanese with people I want to like me, bad things happening to my sisters, falling from a high place, rape/assault, being found out as the fraud I am somehow sure I am, and getting fat. Just for starters.

However, for the next 6 months, I am adding one new fear: the huge fear that somehow I will be in
Japan during the American part of Radiohead's world tour, and in America for the Japan leg. Please, please, let this never come true.

According to this link (http://www.radiohead.com/tourdates/), there will be 4 shows at some point or other in California. I will go to all/any of these, even if it is mid-afternoon August in San Diego and the tickets cost $200. And I have to fly there, or something. I will do it.

Queries.

I remember a few years back, once describing a band's sound as "like the Beach Boys mixed with Jesus and Mary Chain", but for the life of me, I can't remember why or what that band was.
So, we should totally start that band, right?

Also, are you still mad at me, internet? Be honest, I can take it.

Things!

Yes, things have been happening! I got a job that should start soon, a friend of many years had a baby, I cleaned my entire house, I played freeze tag in Chinatown, and I ate an entire bag of fun-size Kit Kat bars. Life is looking good, except for the part of life that has me awake at 5:30 in the morning writing a movie scene in Japanese. That part, I could probably do without.

Also, there is this! I feel the same way.
http://barackobamaisyournewbicycle.com/

Winter, for real.

Today it snowed for the second time this winter, and for the first time it stuck to the ground. I am unreasonably cheery about this, because snow is lovely, but also because I haven't had to go outside today for any reason. Tomorrow morning, I think, will be a different story, since I am pretty sure none of my shoes make a good promise of being waterproof. At least I have gloves, which I bought because they looked like candy and only cost $3. Just in case you think it is impossible to find deals here.
Life has been very boring, unless you find homework or drinking wine out of the bottle while watching movies interesting. I am lucky that I have all the "Arrested Development" DVDs with me here, or I think I would be going a little more crazy than normal. Hearing english, as well as my kind of humor, is very comforting. I also highly recommend laughing at people more messed up than you are, even if they are fictional, as a good depression remedy. It is just too bad there are only these 50 episodes to watch...
In other news, since I am one broke-ass bitch, I have finally started to apply for jobs. This is really hard to make myself do, since I am pretty wiped out in general during the weeks from school and going to work after that sounds really, really shitty. But, then again, so does avoiding the school's managerial staff for the next 4 months because I don't have their tution money, or moving to a smaller and crappier apartment to save on my rent. I have been trying very hard to do things like keep the heat down and carry home-made lunches to school, but that is not going to make up an extra month's rent. Also, I would like to say personally to the American Dollar: Fuck you, man. Fuck you.

Some of the jobs leads I have sound great, like proofreading or babysitting. Others are the terrible-sounding grind of English tutoring. the mill that chews up and spits out all this country's available foreign twenty-somethings. Even if I just end up doing that, though, I will be happy enough having a steady income again for the first time in a year and a half, as well as any kind of social interaction beyond what happens in school. But cross your fingers for me that I get one of the two jobs I listed, or both: I really am good with kids, you know.