Meeting people is easy.

In unfortunate news, I may very well go on three first dates this week. I have already gone on one, which at least went "okay". I do not know if it went any better than okay, because I am an awkward beast and not particularly great at reading strangers. I can say that it wasn't a failure in that my jokes were often laughed at, and at the end of the evening my date and I were on decent enough terms to say that we'd had a good time and to hug. So, you know, I can at least say that no one was repulsed by me last night. Hooray!

Now I have to play the "will there or will there not be a second date" game with that one. I would rather vomit for the next hour straight than wonder whether or not someone's going to call. I was not made to play the "girl" role in these sorts of scenarios. I don't even know if that's still appealing or not, to play aloof, to be the girl who only responds to every other text someone sends her. Certainly there are a lot of people who believe in playing games with availability, dating multiple people at once, hedging their bets. I probably should figure out how to add a little of that into my life, because I generally want to jump into getting to know someone with both feet. I like the freedom to be enthusiastic about another person, but in the wrong context that can come across as annoying, or even creepy. I do not want to be that kind of lady either.

But the lineup of 3 dates over less than 7 days was nothing I chose, just sort of the way things worked out. Tomorrow is a coffee date with a boy I know I will not end up dating for one very simple reason: this boy is not yet divorced. Separated, for nearly a year I guess, but not actually divorced. Guess who does not ever, ever, ever want to be involved with someone who is married, even if that person is just married on paper? This lady, this one right here.

Date number 3 is with a nice-seeming dude who makes odd music and works on installing museum exhibits, and who I know almost nothing about. Pursuant to that, I have no real expectations for this date, but at least this one is not motherfucking married. Jesus H. Christ, what the hell.

I also just received an email from a boy I was kind of "in love with" while I lived in Japan, asking when I'll be returning to that country. That this boy was not single for most of the time I knew him, but is single now, adds a whole extra exciting layer of aw;eoriuawaorjw;fjehrltwerifuwaedfget to things.